Walking, sort of. Another label?

I was always going to post a ‘Yay! she’s finally walking’ type post, I suppose, so here it is – yesterday Miss Belle took about 15-20 steps all by herself, twice!! Naturally I took out the ‘walking’ milestone card which she wouldn’t pose with without holding onto her highchair. Something tells me she’s got a bit more practicing to do before she gets her confidence.

Of course, I didn’t have my phone to capture it for Daddy when it happened. Poor Daddy. When I tried to force her to do it again with lots of “come on, walk to Mummy, walk to Mummy!” she point blank refused. She still struggles to get to standing from sitting or crawling, so she only did it once she was already holding my hands and bravely let go. Miss Belle is now 20 months old, so I think this classes her as a ‘late walker’ (if you like to label things – it’s odd, I’d never thought about how much we use ‘labels’ until she fell under the ‘late walking’ label, and from now on I’m going to make a conscious effort not to label people.) We saw her Physio again a few weeks ago and she said it will still take her longer to find her confidence because she’s more wobbly than most toddlers her age. And I think because of that, I wasn’t convinced it was going to happen any time soon. And, my oh my, I was amazed at the pride and love and overwhelming joy I felt when it happened.

That crazy feeling of excitement came just at the right time.

About 15 minutes earlier I’d been sat in the living room sighing as I reached for her jigsaw for the gazillionth time, and wondered, not for the first time this week, whether I should look for another part time job. I have started to have a few wobbles myself about this SAHM thing. I definitely don’t want my old stressful, demanding job back, but I am starting to get bored at home. Not every day, but on the quiet days, when we have nothing planned. Bored of the same daily routines, bored of not being able to do anything without a whingey toddler shouting ‘mummy, Mummy, MUMMMY!’ and demanding to be picked up. I have only felt this way a few times over the last week though. I think it’s because we were all ill and sort of housebound for a few days, which drove me crackers and I was fed up with all the biting (thankfully **touches wood** she’s not been so bad at that the past few days).

Plus, the other night I was deleting some old text messages from some friends when we spoke about going back to work, and it made me feel sort of flat. And it got me thinking that maybe it’s just me that doesn’t like this new SAHM label. I didn’t feel flat about not working when I was on maternity leave, so why should I now? When I made the big decision to give up work I was worried what people would think of me. And although I’m happy with my decision 90% of the time, I still feel uncomfortable about it, and, sort of judged. I suppose as life goes on there will be days where I get fed up and ponder if what I am doing is right for all of us, and actually, for me.

It’s a strange thing, this parenting thing. It has you pulling your hair out with boredom one minute, and feeling so thankful and happy the next.

But, when I look back on this week, I will remember the highest high of love and happiness as I watched Miss Belle take those first few steps. I am so thankful I was there and not at work. I suppose the hair pulling (figurative and literal – oh yes, something else she’s just discovered), is worth it all in the end.

The Pramshed