Mum guilt strikes

This past week I’ve had mum guilt for having time away from Miss Belle twice.

It’s been my birthday, so for my present my husband took one for the team, and went to an actual spa with me. This is not really his thing. He’s only ever had one massage and that’s because I forced him to on our honeymoon. When he suggested it I nearly fell over – but once I knew he was serious I was so excited and so impressed. The boy is learning!

Miss Belle still goes to nursery one day a week – something else that gives me mum guilt now I’m a SAHM. We decided to keep her in one day to keep her used to having time away from me, to keep her development and socialising up, and to give me a day to do the boring non child friendly chores and possibly eventually take on some freelance work. At the moment I spend her nursery days doing blog stuff too – it’s way more time consuming than I predicted.

It turns out sending your child to nursery on your birthday leads to increased mum guilt. I felt bad for us not all spending the day together. For Matt’s birthday we spent the day together at the Norfolk Show and it was lovely. When I told Matt I felt guilty for having a day to just the two of us, he laughed. He was not at all bothered that we were leaving our daughter (who has started crying again at drop off – just for extra mum guilt), to go and relax for the day.

We went to the beautiful Congham Hall. It was a really hot sunny day, so we could even lie on sunbeds outside (IN THE UK!). In the end I managed to switch off, despite worrying because my phone was in my locker (she’d had a bit of a cold and what if nursery rang to say we needed to collect her?) Congham Hall is probably the best spa I’ve ever been to, and the sauna, steam room, hot tub and amazing ‘experience’ showers helped me relax and unwind. I had a wonderful massage to revive my aching muscles from the stresses and strains of every day life with a toddler, in addition to my various hip/back/glute ailments (seriously I am starting to feel I am getting too old for attempting to ‘keep fit’).

My guilt eased when I saw no missed calls from nursery and we enjoyed a nice lunch overlooking some gorgeous gardens. We picked her up and came home and played in the garden. She enjoyed her extra Daddy time and he came up trumps and brought me a glass of fizz and cake out which Miss Belle immediately signed for (the cake, not booze). She knows what she wants that girl.

Fast forward a few days and I’m left my girl again for the day, this time for a day out in London with my mum. For the last few years we’ve gone with one of her friends and had a nice lunch and watched a show. This year she treated me for my birthday present.  As I left Miss Belle was having her breakfast mid meltdown because she didn’t want her blueberries, she wanted a banana. But then she didn’t want her banana. Is it bad that I thought “muhahah good luck Daddy!” as I left the house? Part of me was hoping he’d get an insight into how tiring it is to look after her all day. Turns out they had a lovely day seeing some friends at the swings and then at Grandma and Grandad’s. I’m told Daddy coped just fine. (I suspect Grandma and Grandad took some of the load whilst he could keep up with his football scores in the afternoon though…)

Mum, her friend and I had planned to have lunch at Boulevard Brasserie but lunch quickly became afternoon tea with fizz. Standard. We then had a short walk to the theatre where we saw Show Boat. It’s just finished playing in London but it was truly brilliant. I didn’t know the story, but sometimes I think that’s better because it was a nice surprise.

mum guilt afternoon tea

Afternoon tea

It was lovely to have a day out with my mum but as I caught the two hour train home I just wondered what Miss Belle had been up to all day. I think some people really miss non baby/adult time, and as much as it was great not to spend the day trying to decipher babble, I still really missed her. I just love being with her. Am I weird?

After my London trip I got up early so Matt could have a lie in. I said to her “did you miss me yesterday?” Her reply was simply “Daaaaaddy!”

Charming.

 

Diary of an imperfect mum

 

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17 Comments

  1. Jonathan Brodrick
    30th August 2016 / 11:58 pm

    This post about spas and London day trips is lost on me, but: “I just love being with her. Am I weird?”

    She is your daughter!

    • thisismenow
      Author
      31st August 2016 / 2:57 am

      Well obviously – yes! I meant I don’t even like having breaks away from her, because I love being at home with her all the time. I meant am I weird for not ever really wanting ‘a break’ (other than when she’s ill or sleeping badly)?

  2. Vic Dambrauskas
    31st August 2016 / 10:03 am

    Say NO to the mum guilt. This is not a thing. This is socially constructed rubbish designed to take choice away from women. Nursery is really really good for children, as is a well rested (ha!) Relaxed and happy parent (s) Yey to the spa (although I’m with Matt on the strangers rubbing me… Weird) and Yey to yummy food, cake and fizz!

    • thisismenow
      Author
      31st August 2016 / 10:10 am

      I think you’re right. I’d never heard of ‘mum guilt’ before but all my mum friends talk about it and say parenting is mostly feeling guilty a lot of the time! I know nursery has its benefits, it’s just I hate leaving her when she cries and we could be having family time. Though she was supposed to go today so I could go bra shopping and she’s not gone as she’s still a bit ill from the weekend. I would have actually liked to go bra shopping alone, but I’m armed with a sticker book and v tech toot toot helicopter to get me through!! Thanks for reading Hun xx

      • Vic Dambrauskas
        31st August 2016 / 4:52 pm

        Ha lenny used to hide in the coats or just face plant the floor, not nice but guaranteed that she stops as soon as you are gone!

  3. 1st September 2016 / 1:04 pm

    Dont even get me started on the mum guilt!!
    I have a full ranty post about it lol.
    You need you time and sometimes it just cant be helped!!
    Chin up! it strikes everyone!
    Lx
    http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
    #ablogginggoodtime

    • thisismenow
      Author
      1st September 2016 / 1:09 pm

      Ha! Thank you and thanks for reading – I’ll check your post out X

  4. 1st September 2016 / 2:41 pm

    I’m a SAHM too now, having given up work about 3 months ago because I missed my daughter. Everyone thought I was mad and that I’d be back at work within a few weeks, but I actually enjoy it. Yes, it’s really hard and I miss having my own time – I classed being at work as my own time! – but I wouldn’t change it. That said, although I love being with my daughter, I still need days on my own occasionally, to unwind or just to catch up on housework, because it’s hard to do with a toddler! I sometimes feel guilty about it, but I try to remember that having my own time stops me getting frazzled, so (hopefully!) it means I can be a bit of a better mum than I would be otherwise. That’s how I justify it anyway! #ablogginggoodtime

    • thisismenow
      Author
      1st September 2016 / 2:58 pm

      Ahh hello fellow SAHM!
      You’re so right, it is hard isn’t it, being with a toddler full time is tiring. I need her nursery days to catch up with the chores too. I think I felt worse last week because it was a special occasion!
      Thanks for reading x

  5. Mads
    3rd September 2016 / 5:45 pm

    Say no to Mum guilt! x

  6. 5th September 2016 / 8:48 am

    No matter what the reason, mum guilt will always be there. I currently feel guilty about sending Zach to nursery while I’m at home! But he’s been at this one for two years and so I think it’s important that he still sees his friends and has that social time. When I was at work, I’d feel horrendous if I did anything other than spend time with him on the weekends! It is always there that guilt but we totally deserve time to ourselves sometimes! It sounds like you had a wonderful time 🙂 Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • thisismenow
      Author
      5th September 2016 / 1:09 pm

      Thanks Lisa. I think it definitely makes sense to keep them in nursery when you are expecting/have a newborn!! Good luck with it all and thanks for reading and commenting. x

  7. 7th September 2016 / 8:07 am

    You do realise that no matter what you end up doing or choosing you will always feel mum guilt and yet the irony is that generally it is only us judging ourselves!! Give yourself a break you are a wonderful mummy xx
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

    • thisismenow
      Author
      7th September 2016 / 8:13 am

      Ahh thanks. I think it takes time not to judge ourselves but I’m (slowly) getting there! X

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