I can’t actually believe that it’s been six months since I made the big decision to leave work and be a Stay At Home Mum (or SAHM as I’m now so used to typing). To be honest, it’s been pretty much as I expected.
The summer was lovely, full of nice days out with friends enjoying the nice weather. We had a couple of trips to the beach and I thought yep, I’ve definitely made the right decision to be a SAHM.
But, things got tougher when Autumn arrived. I think the grey weather brought a dampener on things. The realisation that you’ve not been anywhere or talked to an adult all day hits home on those days. I have, at times, felt so lonely. I have a couple of close friends and we go to two new toddler groups, but I’m not friends with anyone there. We get out of the house but I just spend the hour trying to encourage Miss Belle to actually take part. I am lucky if I get a bit of small talk with the other mums. I don’t want to be down on Norfolk but sometimes I miss living up North. People just seem so much friendly up there. We’ve only been going to the classes for one term so maybe I’ll fit in more when we’ve been going a bit longer.
That being said I’ve got a very close friend really near to me and we see each other most weeks. She is my saviour when I need to talk to an adult. Our children get on great and have become firm friends, so when we meet up, as much as we have to watch they don’t throw themselves into immediate danger, I actually feel I can relax more and have a good chat (and usually some cake).
The pros again
Now winter is upon us we are seeing a return of the dreaded winter bugs. But being a SAHM makes it all so much easier. This week I spent all day Monday cuddling and comforting Miss Belle, letting her sleep on me. I hate her being ill, but that feeling of being needed and loved, is the best feeling ever. Being there and not having to worry about her whilst being at work, has made a huge difference to how I feel as a bit of an anxious first time mum.
My brain is still just about functioning, thanks to this blogging thing. I’ve learned SO MUCH and met some great people (yes ‘met’ online – but it’s a new world of making virtual friends). Although sometimes I question if it’s all worth it, I know it’s been good for me and my confidence. It’s given me a sense of ‘me’ again, and a sense of satisfaction.
I am her best playmate (well until Daddy gets home). She is my best little friend. That sounds silly, I know – she’s a toddler. But that’s what we are becoming. The bond we have is indescribable. As much as she’s a Daddy’s girl, when she’s at home with me and wants food or to play, it’s Mummeeeeeeee she
shouts asks for.
Overall, it’s OK. And that’s enough.
Do I miss the politics and stress of my old job? Not one bit. Do I miss stressing about drop offs/pick ups and calling in to take a day off, when I need to stay with her? No way. Do I miss wearing smart clothes? Sometimes yes. Do I miss feeling good about myself on the rare day that I did something good in the office? Absolutely. That’s the hardest thing – realising that my talents are now only in this ‘Mummying’ thing. No one’s going to pat me on the back and say good job for xyz today. But that’s parenting isn’t it? You don’t really get any special thanks, you just get on with it.
All I know is when I look at her she’s happy. And, when I’m not battling her to come down the stairs, get dressed, put her shoes on, eat some vegetables or get in the car seat without doing a plank, it’s going ok. And six months into being a SAHM, I’m pretty happy with that.