So, recently I’ve been debating whether or not to give up blogging all together.
I’ve dabbled with the idea in the past. It’s so much hard work, hardly anyone reads your words, then when they do you sit and worry that you’ve over shared, and anyone, literally ANYONE, can read them. Envy you. Pity you. Judge you. Uck, no thanks. (I’ll do that myself.)
This last month or so I’ve felt I’ve lost my blogging mojo. We got back from a mini holiday in Northumbria back in June, two months ago, and I’ve yet to get around to writing about it. Gone are the days when I had my little study set up with a planner on the wall, notebooks full of ideas. Gone are the days of logging into Facebook groups full of blogging tips, doing blogging courses, watching Facebook lives, writing down every tip and detail so I could remember it and put my plans into action to become “a proper blogger”.
What even is a proper blogger? I think I mean a “professional” blogger. The ones who see it as work. They earn money, yes. But they WORK. Like, probably over 30 hours a week. Behind a computer, from home, managing their kids (God knows how), and staying up really late. Sorry, but it’s just not for me. I realised long ago, I just do not have the time or the passion to do that. And now I have two kids, I have even less time. And the time I have I want to actually be present, in the moment, with my kids. (Most of the time. Some times, I want to hide in the toilet, scroll Instagram and eat biscuits because I just can’t… take…. anymore…. Moana…)
I’ve enjoyed the summer. I flipping loved the heat wave. But, I have an almost itchy feeling about the start of the new school year. Miss Belle has stayed in Nursery over summer, which she’s loved. And I’ve loved having the time with Little Man. But I forgot that babies don’t do much. So I have, on occasion, when he’s napped, felt bored. And although I’ve thought I really should be putting my time to something “for me.” I’ve just not had the drive. I’ve felt lost. Unable to muster up the energy to get going. Not even wanting to open my laptop.
But that feeling is starting to come back…
We go on holiday in a few weeks. When we get back we will be in a new routine, new Nursery hours, new classes to go to. New days to be quiet and at home. And I need routine. It’s good for me. And the kids. And with that routine, I hope to start to carve out just a few hours a week of blogging time during nap times again. I’m probably being incredibly optimistic, but, the intention is there.
I want to write more food posts again. Lets be honest, I’ve always been all about a the cake. And I don’t know if it’s Bake Off or Celebrity Masterchef inspired, but I want to set myself a new challenge in the kitchen each week if I can, with the intention of telling you lot about it. Whether it’s just a recipe, or to recount a complete disaster, or even triumph, about learning a new cookery technique.
But, as I hop back into the world of blogging, I’m making a new pact with myself. I’m going to try hard to keep the pressure off myself. Blogging can very quickly become all-consuming and competitive. You end up feeling shit because you’re not posting as much as the other person you know who’s just had a baby. But it’s time to take myself less seriously. Blog what I want to blog about, when I want. Holidays, food, days out, local places, and yes probably still the odd rant amongst the way.
We’ve recently started watching Suits (late to the party, I know. But it’s fab!) And there was a line someone said in an episode that I loved:
“I don’t care what other people think about me. I care what I think about me.”
Maybe it’s taken me to get to the age of 33 (sob!) to realise, that really, I need to care much much less about what other people think, and do what makes me happy.
And if setting out my little planner, penciling in ideas for one blog post every couple of weeks, makes me happy, then so be it. And also, if the urge to write suddenly, when I have an hours peace and quiet, without a plan, like this today has taken hold, then great.
It’s time to get myself back in the zone, time to write, and be creative again.