It feels wrong to write about what we’ve been up to this week, after the terrible terror attack in London. It takes something like that to put your whole life into perspective.

I was having coffee with a journalist friend of mine when she got the news alert on her phone and we both immediately started scrolling through Twitter. We caught up over a couple of drinks, having not seen each other in years (literally about 3 years!). As I drove to pick Miss Belle up I put on BBC Radio 5 Live and listened intently, shocked, and scared.

As soon as we were home, I put the BBC News special on TV. I needed to know what had happened. I think it’s part of the journalist in me. You could say I used to love the news. I used to be the type of person who could name every member of the Cabinet. Sadly, not any more. Although I still get “excited” about major events like elections. Getting up at 3am to work a 12 hour shift on the morning of the 2010 election does that to you. This was different though. This wasn’t exciting. This was scary. I welled up as the press conference came on saying the policemen had been killed. I hate that I now have too many memories of watching these atrocities break on the news. The Paris attacks. Brussels. The London bombings. 9/11 all those years ago, when I saw the planes fly into the towers on the news. I was 16 years old and the memory is clear as day.

Why do these things happen? Why can’t we all “get along”?

I don’t know the ins and outs of the political and religious debates and I am sorry to say I have a much lesser understanding of what’s going on in the world, now that I’m a mother and now that I’m not working. That’s wrong isn’t it? Shouldn’t I be more informed? Isn’t it my responsibility as someone bringing up another human being, to at least have some knowledge on this stuff? Yes I watched election debates, but I’m too knackered to stay up for the 10 o’clock news. And 6 o’clock is books/bath and bedtime. I don’t buy a paper, other than for the housing supplement. I recently deleted my BBC News app to make storage space for other apps. Yes, I read the news online, but generally, I go about my days blissfully ignorant of the struggles going on all over the world. When I think about it, who have I become?

But this isn’t about me. This is about the terror that one individual (or so it seems, as I write this) has caused. It’s about the pain, suffering and grief that relatives, friends and colleagues are now experiencing. I feel so awful for all the witnesses who must have been terrified too. That memory will be with them forever. Their lives will probably never be the same again.

Personally, this week hasn’t been the best for us. Miss Belle and I have both been unwell. Her challenging toddler behaviour continues to stress me out. Her nursery worker made me feel like a naughty school girl/aka shit parent, for needing to have a chat “about her behaviour”. And whilst I felt all “woe is me” about it all, I realised, that actually, these are every day, common problems. None of it matters. Not really. There are far, far greater things to be concerned about right now. I still get to put her to bed every night. This weekend, we still get to go out as a family. I was going to say that sadly, now others don’t have that luxury. But to live an innocent life, and not be taken by murderers, surely isn’t a luxury, is it? It’s a right.

Thinking of everyone caught up in this horrible event and praying and hoping for a better future for our children.

xxx

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