I started writing this last night but was so poorly I couldn’t finish it.

I have spent the past 36 hours feeling fluey – shivering, with a temperature over 39 and back ache that resembled the early stages of labour.

I think I have had a virus or something like what Miss Belle had over the bank holiday weekend. I feel so awful for her if this is how she felt and couldn’t tell us. Though she is now signing pain, which is coming in handy in the middle of the night.

It’s truly crappy when you are ill and a parent. There is no time for being ill when you have to look after a toddler. I woke up yesterday feeling achey so my in-laws came over at 10am as I had a pre arranged appointment. I was going to meet them and leave Miss Belle with them for a few hours but they came over and took her to the park instead. When I got back they made us lunch and my mother-in-law also did some ironing whilst I lay on the sofa feeling sorry for myself and Miss Belle napped.

They left at 3.30pm. The following 90 minutes were hell. I spent them feeling not only horrendous, but shouting and crying because my toddler keeps biting me. She has been biting me for months. She used to grab and scratch me, then we hit the biting ‘phase’. And yesterday, for the first time since leaving work, I yelled that I wished I was at work. Ironic, given my last post was about the mum guilt I feel when I’m not with her.

I have three bruises on my left forearm from Wednesday, where she bit me because I was trying to stop her climbing all over the sofas in a car showroom. Of course when she does this I say (shout) ‘no’ firmly and if I’m at home I try put her in her cot. In the car showroom I immediately strapped her in her pushchair which she screamed about for a few minutes, and then she got over it.

Yesterday, when I felt probably the most shit I have felt since becoming a mum?   My reaction was to sit on the floor and sob my heart out. She really hurt me. This in turn made her cry. But a few minutes later she did it again, this time nearly drawing blood on my hip. She made a small bite and then pulled the skin. Devil child.

Why the hell is she doing this? I wasn’t stopping her from doing anything. What could she have possibly been frustrated about? All I was doing was trying to rest on the sofa and encourage her to do her jigsaws. Was I not giving her enough attention? Was she just being silly because she was overtired? Is she biting because she’s still not walking and is frustrated about wanting to be on the move?

I didn’t have the energy to pick her up and carry her upstairs to her cot, so I said ‘no’ and dragged my heavy aching body from one sofa to the other. She followed me, climbing up onto the sofa, and came at me, mouth open, snarling, waiting to take another chunk. Has she got some serious psychological problem I need to investigate?

In the end tea time called so I put her in her highchair. It was all I could do to defrost a portion of salmon and microwave it with some leftover veg we had in the fridge. Daddy came home and walked in to see me sat in a blanket shivering and her refusing her veg. In the end I gave her crackers with cream cheese.

I felt more poorly after she went to bed so we ordered a pizza and I went to bed at 8.30pm. Overnight I felt worse – shivering and shaking at 2.30am. And she was up from 4.30am-6am, we think because of her teeth. Poor Daddy had to deal with her whilst I lay in bed sweating. The only way she’d go to sleep was if he lay by her cot on the floor.

Today I feel much better and don’t have a temperature anymore. It’s been a chocolate eating, tea drinking, PJ day and the house looks like a bomb has hit it. And now Daddy’s got it.

What a crap 36ish hours.

Send drugs, (more) chocolate and wine.

Oh and tips on how the hell to stop this biting ‘phase’ before I lose my mind.

The Pramshed
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